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Cracked on 14'11'1997

Nan Chiau High School
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Written at Friday, September 24, 2010 | back to top

Haha 14nov's the date. Scorpions the horoscope. It dont sound rite... HECK CARE!

Haha wanted to post, thought of this. I wonder how to start. XD

1.Yay i might seem carefree, but I realli am... WRONG!!
2.Its different on the inside than the outside. OKAY!!

Haha. Yay~~ I sometimes dont even understand myself. How i am able to laugh when I am really breaking to pieces inside. How i am able to act like it does not matter even when it does big time. How i am able to act.. Now i understand. I just want to hide the inside of me. The real me.
Sometimes there are somethings that I want to say, i mean it. Really want to say till I feel like bursting. But I couldn't. And even if i should, I couldn't bring myself to say it. Its a little torturing. And yet sometimes when I shouldn't say something, it comes straight out. I feel that I'm learning a new part, a darker part of me each day.
I've once been white, yet the paint of the social reaches me. I've always been a quite, a very tightened girl. The school have been trying to unscrew, its a good choice. But I guess I could never get rid of being a scorpion isnt it? Its starting to tighten. The only stress I've given myself is to not say anything when i should. Its the only stress ever. I dont know why I do it myself, sometimes I hope i could be just like valerie, doing anything I really want and saying everything i really want to say. But it just isnt in me.
I'm not really the 'carefree' girl everyone thinks I am. I hold secrets. Very dark and big secrets. I've been looking for someone that I can trust enough to say it, but so far it seems that only my overflowing heart is up for the job.
Sometimes the stress it gives me makes me too tired, tired enough to go to immediate sleep. It gives me enough tension to cry, for practically nothing. I'm just tired.
I really want to spill, but even if in a room with no one, I wouldn't say it. Even if i could write it, I wouldn't. Even if I could tell, I wouldn't. Its just me fighting with no one. Me fighting with the deepest secret in me. I've leaked out one, and it makes me regret. Maybe thats what it makes me more stressed and scared to tell anyone else. Even the person I trust most. Maybe even the grave. I guess nothing of these would get out, it will be brought to the grave when I die.
The tension is too great, I'm scared it'll break. But i guess for now its just more and more reinforcements until i can find a person to give the scissors and cut away the ever breaking line..

Xuan Ni